Dear Red Honda Civic,
We have had some good times you and I. That time we drove from Rochester to Los Angeles. Going on my first date with Sara. That time you protected me from that really drunk and angry dude at the corner of Elliot and 24th. Really, we have been inseparable for a long time now.
But I think it may be time for a change. Look we can still go to work together and go get food and all the things we usually do – but I don’t really want to go drinking with you anymore. You have a problem man. One of which being, whenever we take you somewhere I can’t even drink – since I have to worry about controlling you later in the night – not cool dude. After me and some other friends used MN Limo Service the other night, it made me realize just how much you are holding me back from having fun.
They even have a bar you can enjoy WHILE you are going to the bar. I mean, you only have two cup holders and an alcohol problem.
And let’s be real here, you still have a tape deck. What is the deal with that? Who even owns tapes anymore? I have to use one of those fake tape cord thingies just to listen to my music. It is embarrassing. The party bus had a great sound system and an excellent modern Aux cable if I wanted to play my music. I’m not saying this to be mean, but you have a lot of growing up to do.
He is bigger too. I know that size isn’t the most important thing, but I have needs. How am I supposed to go somewhere with six or seven or even eighteen friends when you only seat 5. I’m sure you could make some less popular people very happy – but that’s just not who I am.
Also, the bus cares about its body, unlike you – leather wraparound seats, great lighting. It even has beautiful hardwood floors that make it perfect for dancing. Your floor still has the remnants of my nephew’s lollipop on it. You just don’t respect yourself in the same way. And I know you will want to blame me, like somehow that’s my fault, but honestly, I’m tired of having to care about how I look and how you look all the time. If I want to eat some potato chips, do I always have to think about how that will affect you? I need some me time.
So let’s not make this a big thing. As I said, we can still be friends. I will always need someone to go to work with and chores and all that – but when it comes to what I need at night, you just aren’t the MN Limo Service. They make me happy. I’m sorry.